He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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