Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
