when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
