this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
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