drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
