I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
