i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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