The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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