The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
