I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
