Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
