Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
