There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
