wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
