I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
