Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
