I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
