Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
