all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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