id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
