do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.