Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
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Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
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There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.