Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
