we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize