she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
