epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm just crazy horny about you
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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