so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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