I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
