It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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