im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
