just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
