god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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