She's JV to your varsity
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
