I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize