I didn't shave. On purpose
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
