I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just want nice things and good sex
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
