dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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