What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
