So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
