I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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