I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
