I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
