he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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