Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
