My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
