yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
