I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
We named our party play list daddy issues
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
