I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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