if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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