how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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