you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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