I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
