New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
