I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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