An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
