I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
