so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
