I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
