My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
