I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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