We're like a lot better than the average bears
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
