I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize